A Touching Study and a Hue and Cry

Some call it a commie rag, some call it the gray lady. Others call it the New York Times. I call it essential to understanding the science of spanking.

Today, there was an article about a scientific study that says touching someone, even for a few seconds, can evoke emotions “can express specific emotions — silently, subtly and unmistakably.”

This is why so many of us believe that the only proper spanking is by hand; that a naughty bottom is the most perfect hand-held device ever invented. (The researcher who did this study is a professor at the aptly named DePauw University.)

Commenting on the study was a Dr. Field, who heads something called the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami, said it was an important piece of work, although noting, “It’s unlikely we’d use touching as a means of expression with strangers. It’s reserved to intimate kinds of interactions.”

Duh. Touching is most definitely best reserved for the most intimate moments, such as deftly tugging panties down, rubbing a bare bum prior to slapping it meaningfully and then brushing the hair out of her tear-filled eyes. Oh, by the way, Dr. Field’s first name is Tiffany. Not exactly evocative of a weird scientists, but more so of someone who might have been touched intimately with an open hand.

That is not all. Last week, the venerable Times had a report from the wilds of science indicating that redheads feel more pain and faster than normal people.

I have known a redhead or two, one particularly well. I can make not scientific conclusion about redheads and pain, but I haven’t met a redheaded girl or woman whose very hair doesn’t scream out, SPANK ME! Kind of a hue and cry.

Feel free to make your own conclusions from the samples below, and please respond to the very simple poll to the right: Is a hand-spanking 1) the only way to go 2) best most, but not all, of the time 3) only for a mild offense 4) improper because a loving hand should not be an instrument of pain.