She Always Knew

The highlight of that summer began with a simple, soft, “I know” whispered by Aunt Dorothy.

I was in my room in her house, where I was staying for a month while my parents were on a cruise for their 20th anniversary. My older cousins were on their own separate vacations.

It was one of those hazy lazy crazy days of summer when I was mentally vacationing on Mars while leaning back in the chair by the computer on a desk in the guest room. The screen had gone to black so there was nothing particularly incriminating in view when she approached.

“I know, Ted. I know.”

I would like to tell you that I had no clue as to what she was talking about, but it must have been her tone, or the breeze from the ceiling fan that billowed the sundress momentarily. The first thing I felt at hearing those words was a rash of goosebumps along my arm. Then an involuntary contraction in the pit of my stomach, and then a buzzing in my ears. I hadn’t felt like that since 2nd grade when I was caught peeking in the girl’s bathroom.

Of course, all that took only milliseconds, so I was able to reply with only a brief catch in my throat, “Huh?”

“Teddy, I know what your interest is, what you do when you hole up in your room all day.”

I began to panic. How could she know?

When Aunt Dorothy reached over my shoulder, I got a whiff of her light lilac fragrance. She clicked a key on the computer to awaken it from its sleep mode, and I felt sick. A full screen of spanking images came to life.

She must have been amused at the incoherent sounds produced from somewhere between my legs and my vocal cords because it seemed an eternity before she spoke again.

“I know, Ted. I’ve known awhile. I saw how you used to stand at the bottom of the stairs when I would have to chase Carol and Kenny upstairs with the yardstick when you would visit.” I turned redder than a Russian revolutionary as she continued. “I saw you make up reasons to accidentally wander past Carol’s room when she was over my knee and Kenny’s when your late Uncle Brad had to put Kenny over the bed.”

Aunt Dorothy realized that I was about to pass out or throw up, I don’t remember which, so she ran her hand across my brow and said, once again, more soothingly than before, “I know.”

“It’s okay, Teddy,” she comforted. After a pause that could have been one second or one hour, I heard her say, “Why don’t you get up now.” It was not a question, and I would not have answered her back for anything at that moment.

I got up and, almost as tall as she was, finally looked her in the eye. Her silver hair was stylishly cut long, and she was not a severe woman at all. In fact she was my favorite relative. How could I have done this to her! How could I have been caught? How could I continue living with my secret now revealed?

 “I know my sister doesn’t believe in it, and you probably haven’t needed it much anyway. But you are dying to know what it’s like, aren’t you, Teddy?”

I looked away, but in that state I couldn’t even tell you what I saw. “Well?” she purred. I cocked my head in her general direction and raised a shoulder.

“I’ll be right back, young man,”she said, and as far as I was concerned, her promise sounded like it came from General MacArthur.  

I could have made a break for the door, or leaped out the second floor window or willed myself into another dimension. Instead, I stood still like a soldier until Aunt Dorothy returned – with a souvenir-stand paddle and a grim grin.

“You know very well that you are not allowed to misuse my computer like that, Theodore.”

 “Uh  huh,” I meekly declared.

“If there are things you need to know, you could have asked.”

“But Aunt Dorothy, I couldn’t talk about that! No one talks about that.”

“Well certainly not in public, Theodore. But this is in the family. Since you are interested, I don’t think 13 is too late for your curiosity to be satisfied.”

My heart pounded, my knees turned gelatinous.

 "Don’t you???” 

But it wasn’t a question.

All questions were asked and answered and my curiosity was satisfied to the fullest extent  in the next, most important passage, of my life.

I don’t have to tell you what happened next, but I will confide that when my parents returned from their cruise, I asked for and was granted an extra month with Aunt Dorothy.